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Odd Girl Out, Revised and Updated: The Hidden Culture of Aggression in Girls, by Rachel Simmons
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REVISED AND UPDATED
WITH NEW MATERIAL ON CYBERBULLYING AND
HELPING GIRLS HANDLE THE DANGERS OF LIFE ONLINE
When Odd Girl Out was first published, it became an instant bestseller and ignited a long-overdue conversation about the hidden culture of female bullying. Today the dirty looks, taunting notes, and social exclusion that plague girls’ friendships have gained new momentum in cyberspace.
In this�updated edition, educator and bullying expert Rachel Simmons gives girls, parents, and educators proven and innovative strategies for navigating social dynamics in person and online, as well as�brand new classroom initiatives and step-by-step parental suggestions for dealing with conventional bullying. With�up-to-the-minute research and�real-life stories, Odd�Girl Out continues to be the definitive resource on the most pressing social issues facing girls today.
READING GROUP GUIDE AND TEACHER’S GUIDE available at www.marinnerreadersguides.com
- Sales Rank: #16911 in Books
- Brand: Mariner Books
- Published on: 2011-08-03
- Released on: 2011-08-03
- Original language: English
- Number of items: 1
- Dimensions: 8.00" h x 1.14" w x 5.31" l, .89 pounds
- Binding: Paperback
- 432 pages
Features
Amazon.com Review
There is little sugar but lots of spice in journalist Rachel Simmons's brave and brilliant book that skewers the stereotype of girls as the kinder, gentler gender. Odd Girl Out begins with the premise that girls are socialized to be sweet with a double bind: they must value friendships; but they must not express the anger that might destroy them. Lacking cultural permission to acknowledge conflict, girls develop what Simmons calls "a hidden culture of silent and indirect aggression."
The author, who visited 30 schools and talked to 300 girls, catalogues chilling and heartbreaking acts of aggression, including the silent treatment, note-passing, glaring, gossiping, ganging up, fashion police, and being nice in private/mean in public. She decodes the vocabulary of these sneak attacks, explaining, for example, three ways to parse the meaning of "I'm fat."
Simmons is a gifted writer who is skilled at describing destructive patterns and prescribing clear-cut strategies for parents, teachers, and girls to resist them. "The heart of resistance is truth telling," advises Simmons. She guides readers to nurture emotional honesty in girls and to discover a language for public discussions of bullying. She offers innovative ideas for changing the dynamics of the classroom, sample dialogues for talking to daughters, and exercises for girls and their friends to explore and resolve messy feelings and conflicts head-on.
One intriguing chapter contrasts truth telling in white middle class, African-American, Latino, and working-class communities. Odd Girl Out is that rare book with the power to touch individual lives and transform the culture that constrains girls--and boys--from speaking the truth. --Barbara Mackoff
From Publishers Weekly
Although more than 16 years have passed, Rhodes Scholar Simmons hasn't forgotten how she felt when Abby told the other girls in third grade not to play with her, nor has she stopped thinking about her own role in giving Noa the silent treatment. Simmons examines how such "alternative aggression" where girls use their relationship with the victim as a weapon flourishes and its harmful effects. Through interviews with more than 300 girls in 10 schools (in two urban areas and a small town), as well as 50 women who experienced alternative aggression when they were young, Simmons offers a detailed portrait of girls' bullying. Citing the work of Carol Gilligan and Lyn Mikel Brown, she shows the toll that alternative aggression can take on girls' self-esteem. For Simmons, the restraints that society imposes to prevent girls from venting feelings of competition, jealousy and anger is largely to blame for this type of bullying. It forces girls to turn their lives into "a perverse game of Twister," where their only outlets for expressing negative feelings are covert looks, turned backs and whispers. Since the events at Columbine, some schools have taken steps to curb relational aggression. For those that haven't, Simmons makes an impassioned plea that no form of bullying be permitted.
Copyright 2002 Cahners Business Information, Inc.
From Booklist
Forget the stereotypes of sugar and spice. Girls are mean,and as this books and a recent New York Times Magazine cover storyindicate, their subtle, insidious style of bullying is rapidlygarnering attention and concern. Simmons, a twentysomething with apolitical background, calls on her extensive face-to-face researchwith teens in this book that exposes the social minefields of femaleadolescence and the deep scarring that can result. Bolstered withnumerous revealing anecdotes and quotes, Odd Girl Out does anexcellent job of articulating to adults exactly the pain and subtlewarfare that many teen girls experience, and Simmons offers thoughtfulmotivations for both bullies and the parents who are reluctant to reinthem in. She also offers admirable, groundbreaking insight into anall-too-common issue and will be invaluable to any adult struggling tohelp a girl get through her teens. Also suggest Sharon Lamb'srevealing title The Secret Lives of Girls. Gillian Engberg
Copyright � American Library Association. All rights reserved
Most helpful customer reviews
84 of 85 people found the following review helpful.
Informative and enlightening
By Shelleyrae
I read the first edition of Odd Girl Out about five years ago when my oldest daughter was in grade 4/5 and there were some real problems regarding bullying and power struggles amongst the girls in her year. While my daughter was not a direct target, nor a bully, it was a stressful time for her as two girls in particular aggressively manipulated the social hierarchy, girls switched alliances almost daily and the school seemed at a complete loss at how to deal with it. To help my daughter cope with the upheaval I read a number of books on the subject including Reviving Ophelia: Saving the Selves of Adolescent Girls and Queen Bees and Wannabes: Helping Your Daughter Survive Cliques, Gossip, Boyfriends, and Other Realities of Adolescence, both of which I also would recommend to parents and educators of girls.
I chose to read this revised edition because my oldest daughter is now fifteen and as an avid (ie constant) user of Facebook, MSN and various online social communities. Additionally my youngest daughter is now eight and an awareness of online social communities is beginning to creep into her consciousness. As such I was particularly interested in Simmons inclusion of the dynamics of cyber-bullying and how I might be able to help my daughters navigate this social arena.
The strength of Odd Girl Out is that it illustrates the experience of female bullying in a personal manner, with girls sharing their circumstances in their own words. I, like most women, recognised many of the methods girls use to control their social world. With hindsight, the daily drama of school seem mostly petty and irrelevant but I do still remember the intensity of the emotion that surrounded playground machinations - the agony of being dumped by a best friend, the desire to be popular, and like most I have been both a victim and perpetrator (though largely an unwitting one)of the type of bullying and aggression Simmons examines. Odd Girl Out is a reminder of the seriousness with which girls interact with their peers.
The new chapter that addresses cyber bullying/drama is interesting and I think is full of useful information, especially for parents who are not familiar with technology. I am a net-savvy parent who uses social media and have discussed the issues with my daughter but I know she doesn't see the consequences of a casual status update or online flirting the same way as I do, which is highlighted by the stories shared in this chapter. Later on in the book, Simmons discusses strategies for managing media in the lives of girls in practical ways, this chapter is particularly useful and as I am trying to walk the line between keeping an eye on my teenager's online activities without invading her social privacy too much, I found it informative and encouraging.
The focus of Odd Girl Out tends to be on girls aged 11-13 and in particular those whose experiences are at the extremes of the issue but nevertheless I think it has relevance for those involved in any setting where girls aged 8 to 16 interact. Simmons grounds the research, giving the experiences of young girls, and the lasting effects, credibility and for a parent (or educator) I think it can provide a vocabulary for discussion and investigation.
11 of 11 people found the following review helpful.
found it wanting
By J. Heller
I decided to read this book because I thought it might help me deal with the issues my daughter is starting to face in elementary school. I saw myself in this book -I distinctly recall when my "best friend" in 4th grade cornered me in the girls bathroom and told me I better stop being a brat otherwise she wouldn't be my friend anymore. I was lost and bewildered, like many of the victims in this book, and I couldn't figure out what I did to earn her wrath. Years later I know I did nothing but the pain from that moment is still there and the pain inflicted through middle and high school by various girls is not far from the surface. Reading this book made me realize why I have trouble making friends and why I just don't "put myself out there". I've been shot down way too many times.
BUT while this book did shed some light on what happened to me and put into words what girls do to each other I didn't find what I was hoping for; some type of blueprint, some sort of plan for me to help my daughter through this. The author kept saying that we needed to come up with a new language to explain girl bullying but she never came up it. Nor did I find anything to help explain things to my daughter. She did end the book with some words of advice on how to talk to your daughter about what may be happening to her but all this book did was take her countless interviews with girls and women and prove that girls just aren't that nice.
0 of 0 people found the following review helpful.
A very important book
By Elizabeth Chivers
This book resonated with me on so many levels: as a girl who dealt with alternate aggressions, as a teacher of young girls, a a stepmother of an adolescent, and as an aunt. Although at times redundant and lengthy in its retelling of countless interviews, this book is a great read for anyone who has a young girl in their life.
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